So, here's the thing. My brain is freaking out a bit. I've been home from my trip for SIX MONTHS now. Excuse me, what?!
That's insane. Maybe it's just me, but I have a hunch all my fellow DTSers are feeling the same way if they've realized as well how long it's been.
Ok, but do you know what is even crazier? It's been ONE YEAR since I left for Australia. That makes me want to laugh and cry all at the same time. It seriously doesn't seem like it's been that long. I can't believe it honestly. It's like, my brain is telling me, yeah, that's normal, it's been a year, seems possible, right? And then my soul is like wrestling around in my body all confused and sad and happy and excited because I miss Australia and my experience and my family so much, I'm happy I was able to experience it, and excited for what's next to come! Whenever I drive by the airport, I get this ping of sadness in my chest. Like I physically feel it. Just remembering what it felt like to leave my family for half of a year and go do this thing I had been wanting to do for such a long time is an incredibly powerful feeling that I really can't explain. I'm sure a lot of you reading this have experienced this in some form, so maybe you can try to make sense of these jumble of words.
I feel like maybe I'm a bit stuck at this point, like I don't know what to do with my life even though I am doing something with my life. Does that make sense? I mean, I am going to school and working but I know that that won't be my life for much longer I don't think. I know there are new things for me to experience and grow in and I'm excited for that and like I said in my last entry, I'm still trying to figure out where I fit in this world and trying to be content in this phase of life here in Wichita. I think I have reluctantly been letting God work on my heart and He's still there knocking and pounding and ringing the doorbell of my heart asking that I would let Him in even further. Gosh, that's hard, hey? I'm a work in progress, what can I say?
I've been thinking a lot about life and singleness and what that looks like and means for me at this point. Yeah, I know I'm 19 years old and I have a long time to wait and blah blah blah, but hey, people think about these things at even younger ages, right? Here's the thing. I go back and forth a lot actually of being content with being single and happy I get to enjoy my "freedom" or whatever, and sometimes I wish I was in a committed long-term relationship (even though that's the scariest thought I could think of right now). I think that singleness is a gift, even though sometimes it's painful and what not. I think God can do a lot in a single person's life because they don't have another "distraction" or whatever you want to call it. Recently I was talking to a friend about this subject, and she jokingly said, "I don't mind being single, I just want all my other friends to be single too!" Ha, it's funny, I thought, but it's true. I mean, typical human nature wants to go along with the crowd, right? So, if all of your friends are in relationships and getting married and starting families, you naturally desire that. Or most people do, I should say. So, it's hard to be single as it is, but then when your friends are getting in relationships, it's even harder. I had another friend recently write a blog about marriage and how young women and men dream about their wedding day and what it will be like, and they plan for the reception and the dress and the bouquets and the bridal party, but do they plan for the marriage? Hey, 50% of all marriages end in divorce or something crazy like that, right? I think that if people stopped focusing on the wedding (which is really only one day of your whole entire life) and planned for their marriage, maybe that statistic wouldn't be so catastrophic. I'm not saying I know anything about being in a relationship, because I don't, but I am learning that God has to do a lot in me and my future spouse before a relationship can happen. Also, I think it's really important to not sacrifice a "calling" or "life plan" or whatever you want to call it for a relationship. I mean, let's say, you want to , and you believe firmly that God is leading you into a life of missions, and you meet a guy who wants to be a real estate agent in America the rest of his life, is it worth it? Are you willing to sacrifice your passions for his for the rest of your life? And you can reverse the roles too. That's something I've been thinking a lot about too. And the thing is, I know that missions is going to be a huge part of my life in some form or the other so for me right now it's not a good idea to be in a relationship because I know that God is preparing my heart and my mind for the mission field he wants me in! I don't know, just a few thoughts about singleness.
Gosh, our God is a great God, is He not? Continually thanking Him for the crazy life He has me living right now.
Be blessed and serve well, my friends!
xoxo,
Laura.
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