The Purge

I've been wanting to blog for a few weeks now. But every time I want to, it seems like something else significant in life pops up that I wait to learn a life lesson from so I can blog about it.

Wowza, this summer has been a whirlwind! Truly it has. Really, this year has been. I think I mentioned this in the last post, but my life the past year has been the most difficult and most challenging thus far. And I'm sure it's not getting easier. But, hey, once your an adult, life is way harder, right? I've experienced some hard things this summer and I'm just now trying to piece together all of the things that God has been trying to teach me. It's a bit of a challenge, to say the least.

I've been really frustrated with myself this summer. Frustrated with my growth as a person, as a believer, as a friend, and as a woman. There are things that I've done and that other individuals in my life has done that has stunted my growth, and while I'm not thrilled about that, I know God has me in this specific place for a reason. There's been this sort of continual "purging" of things in my life this summer. Purging of mistakes I've been holding onto, purging of sins that I can't let go of, purging of the pain that I'm grasping onto so tightly. And it sucks, actually. But it's really good also.

Sometimes, God surprises me. In a lot of ways, but lately He's surprised me by how different my pain threshold for things have been. For instance, something that I didn't think would affect me a ton has given me an incredible amount of pain. But then there's this other thing that I thought would break my heart but I'm feeling really good and at peace about it. I'm learning how to sort through my emotions and learn what things are important to be upset about and what things I just need to let go of.

This phase of my life has been an interesting one to say the least. This past year, I've learned so many life lessons, made so many stupid mistakes, grown as a person and in my faith, and experienced a lot of pain and also a lot of joy. Most of the struggles I've had revolve around relationships. As a single lady, like many others, think about marriage and what I'm missing out on and wishing I was in a relationship, and all of that. But lately I've been really appreciating my singlehood.

I haven't always appreciated that. It goes back and forth, sort of in waves. I've finally cleared the air with a few people and now I feel free to move on and just really enjoy single life without the longing for a particular person or for my singleness to end. After a really hard conversation with someone, something I thought would be agonizingly painful, I felt really free and happy after talking through some things and what not. And now I'm actually really excited about being single. This is such a cliche thing to say, but I think singleness really is a gift. For a period of time, at least. For me, I feel like there is so much I want to experience still before I am in a committed relationship. My first love is traveling. So, I want to be able to experience that without anyone holding me back. Which means, singleness might be my best friend for a while yet. I want to learn how to be content with doing things on my own. I've always been an extrovert and a really outgoing person, and have hated when I'm alone for longer than an hour. But recently I've been thoroughly enjoying my alone time and wishing I had more of it.

I'm excited to see where God takes me next in this phase of life. Like I've said in previous posts, this last year has been the hardest year of my life. Maybe next year I will say the same thing about this year. But I do know that through every trial and tribulation, God strengthens us to be more like Him and more capable of enduring hardships. So, with that said, I feel ready to tackle anything the world decides to throw at me!